Reign_Man

i found this to be funny so ill share

http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty

heres a tease

"According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday."

Sanjuro

I love that! Here are some Ive found (some may be repeated from that site)...


Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

If you look in a mirror and say "Chuck Norris" three times, he will appear and kill your entire family... but at least you get to see Chuck Norris.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a !@#$ Indian.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once ate a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't !@#$ with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris challenged a statue to a staring contest. Chuck remains undefeated.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the !@#$ down.

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."


If Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks someone in the face and there's no one around to hear it, does it make a noise?

Abraham Lincoln was assassinated by John Wilkes Booth. John Wilkes Booth was assassinated by Chuck Norris.

Fifteen people are known to have been crushed to death tilting vending machines towards them in the hope of a free can of soda. Chuck Norris was behind every one of these machines.

Chuck Norris once drop-kicked a man through a speeding vehicle.

If Chuck Norris is the monster in your closet the best thing you can do is lie in bed and be quiet...'cause there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.

Never say aloud "I wonder what it feels like to be roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris?"....because he hears stuff like that. And you might get what you ask for. Poor you.

Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris does.

Chuck Norris turned down the Army's attempts at recruiting him because roundhouse kicks are not acceptable weapons of war under the rules of engagement.

Chuck Norris' idea of stealth is to tap you on the shoulder and whisper "Hey buddy..."...and then roundhouse kick you in the face. Any noise you might make falling down is unimportant, because no matter how many of your buddies show up to help out, Chuck has enough roundhouse kicks for everyone.

Had Chuck Norris played "Neo" in "The Matrix" rather than Keanu Reeves, there would have been no need for special effects.

Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop. He will tell you and then roundhouse kick you in the face. It's better just not to ask.

Chuck Norris turned down an offer to play Batman in an upcoming movie for two reasons: Bruce Wayne smiles. And Batman uses martial arts moves other than the roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris has every copy of National Geographic in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once.

God wanted to create the world in 10 days. Chuck Norris gave him 6.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

The orginal them song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris-more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up truck. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris saw evil, spoke evil, and heard evil. Then he gave evil a sharp roundhouse kick to the head.

Everyone knows there are three sides to the force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris

Stu_Gotti

Good stuff!

flintTC324

Those are great, too bad for the Chuckster Bruce Lee could kick his butt to China and back, and nowadays Jet Li can too. Lee and Li both have better movies too. OK you caught me, I'm not a Chuck fan.

chucksu

It would be interesting to see a real fight between these guys. What one does on screen does not always show what one can do off screen. Lee trained Chuck, so I think he could hold his own against Li & even Chan Im not sure, but is Chuck, Li or Chan able to do Lee's 1" punch?

flintTC324

I dont know about Chan, but in real life Jet Li is supposed to be just as sick as he appears onscreen. I've read articles about him (not to say everything read should be automatically considered true), but as far as I can tell Li is extremely fast, has an extremely powerful kick, and was raised in Shaolin temple. I think Lee vs. Li would have been a great fight if they were fighting at the height of their respective skill level. Maybe Norris vs. Steven Segal would be a good one, LOL.

The 1" punch, yeah thats crazy. Shows what true dedication to your craft can yield after years of practice. Wish Bruce was here today, he was a master indeed.

TheScionicMan

Damn, he's almost as amazing as Bill Brasky, that old SOB...

gnar-de-gwar

pffff...I ____ on Chuck Norris!!! Here's a REAL GOD
http://www.uniquedaily.com/articles/WDHNTBYOI.html









And a very special message.......

chucksu

Chan aint to bad him self. At his peak he was pretty good. He stared in a few of Lees movies. I read a autobiography on Chan back in High School. He went through a lot & had some great teachers along the way. Now the thing not all think about, is how old Chan is. He is 51 as of this year Born April 7, 1954. Some of the styles he knows: At the school they taught Northern Style Shaolin* Kung -Fu. Later he studied Southern Style, Tai Kwon Do, Hapkido, and others.

Jet Li was born April 26, 1963 making him almost 10 years younger then Chan. Seems like Li uses wushu & maybe others. Hard to find good info on Li from a simple yahoo search.

JMD83

This one is my favorite! so funny!!!!



P.S.

Another hilarious one!

jmiller20874

I heard that when filming Jet Li they have to use high speed film so that when it's played back at normal speed you can actually see his punches.

chucksu

That is true. His movements tend to be a little faster then what they like to film. So they do that so ppl can so his movements better on film. If you watch some of the older Li movies where they did not do this as good, you can see some of the areas where his movements blured just a little

peteyd

Too bad jet li is making any more films oh well we can all watch tony ja now!

kloquewerk

^he's making films, just not martial arts films. He's focusing more now on being a dramatic actor...too bad for us martial arts buffs. Good thing for DVD's though.

jmiller20874

Just read this one on a FOX Sports article:
http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/5...13162&ATT=5337

Big_Bird

I LOVE CHUCK NORRIS!!!!

bahamut_zero

Check this out...

IN RESPONSE TO THE "RANDOM FACTS" THAT ARE BEING GENERATED ON THE INTERNET by Chuck Norris

http://www.chucknorris.com/html/events.aspx?type=1

Serialk1llr

dude!!!!!
bahamut_zero, WHERE did you find that 'i put on my robe and wizard hat and cast level 3 eroticism ' quote? I lost that web page and that shizzle is funny as hell.

CletusTC

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you Chuck himself on Best Damn Sports!!

http://view.break.com/99598

Maicca

WTLW, people.