AKAvensis

hello all you faces in the dark. well i am in a bit of a predicament. right now im 26 living at home saving up mad loot for a house.

i have a girlfriend of 9 months.

i currently am shopping for a house, she wants "us" to get a place.

but im not really ready for that sort of a living situation yet in my life, let alone with a girl ive only known 9 months..

what do you people think is the best way to get her to stop begging and understand that i love her and all and love being with her, but am just not ready for the married type life yet?

ladies please chime in!

mitchelltc1

just have her read this post

AKAvensis

She also always nags me to sleep over at her parents house with her parents and sister around.. I refuse because I am a good little catholic boy and dont care if "her mom doesnt care" or whatever. argh!

mitchelltc1

I understand your situation entirely. Truth is, I was in the exact same boat, but with my gf for 4 1/2 years... ended up braking up with her. Good thing she didn't move in with me! You just have to be honest with her and tell her you're not ready to live with someone. Blame it on your parents not approving or the fact that you want to make the house your bachelor pad for a while. GL!

matt_a

Be VERY careful here. YOU have been saving up YOUR money for a house. If you end up getting it with her, DO NOT let her have her name on ANY of the paperwork. You need to be 10000% positive that she has NO legal claim to any part of it. I'm sure you do love her, but let's face it....stuff happens. Heck, I wouldn't even move in together until you're married. I know all of that sounds harsh, but I've seen so many guys get screwed over by stuff like this.

jwaggz82

iTrader: (1)

Get an apartment for a few years with her and keep saving ... you will find out what she is really like after living with her for a few years and you dont have to worry about a house being in the way if things fall apart.

tCTaco

iTrader: (1)

Cant help you there....Girls have strange powers......I moved back home last year and planned on saving money to buy my own home.....next thing I know, I meet a girl and 4 months later we were signing on OUR new home...WTF Happened? Now Im in engaged and its only been a year....but its going really good.....As for you, you need to man up and tell her how you really feel Nah, im just kidding, dont ever tell a chick how you really feel....just tell her you are not ready to live with each other cause you are affraid it will ruin what you two have now....

matt_a

Looking at this stricktly from a financial standpoint, I'd say stay where you are. Just explain to her that if you get an appartment you will be throwing away hundreds of dollars a month on rent. All of which would have been saved towards a house if you continue to live at home for a while. Once you have enough, maybe you will be ready to marry her. THEN you can move in together and live happily ever after.

jen23tc

here is a female perspective...if you aren't ready, simply don't do it, you will regret it and get ____ed at her for feeling pressured...and when the fights come...it will definitely come up in the topic. If you want a house, get a house (like the other guy said---in your own name, not hers) -it is way better than renting, but only if you can afford it. Tell her you want to have your own personal responsibilities and do this on your own before her or any other roommate moves in. If she doesn't understand, then she is insecure and selfish. I bet she would want her space in her own place..... She could come over on weekends and spend the night, but go back to her parents house during the week....until your relationship grows a little more...9 months isn't that long of a time, you guys are still in the "impress" one another stage.

How old is she?

equinox2355

Yeah, I have to agree with this. The only way Id say that both names should be on it is if both have put in a lot of money together. If its just your money, it should be in your name.

Skeorx13

Don't let her have anything to do with it financially like matt said. That is a gold digging scheme and a half. I've known my girl for over 6 years and neither one of us would ever get a house together. If she stays with you, she pays rent. Draw up a lease for her. It sounds retarded but after only nine months she should know better. Don't let her use her female voodoo on you. In the future if you get married to her she'll get the house anyways so she doesn't need to be on the paperwork when you buy it.

jwaggz82

iTrader: (1)

If he has $$ saved then who cares about the apartment cost .... its better to live with someone and not have a house or kids tied into the situation

Andrew1782

No way dude. Only reason i say this is because what you said in your OP. If you are not ready it will detroy your relationship because you will eventually resent her for it. I live with my girlfriend but I was stoked at the thought of it. I was ready, if I wasn't and was feeling like you are no way I would have done it.

Plus I have this rule. It takes 12 months to truly know your significant other. Until you have been with them through all 4 seasons surprises can be plentiful.

Best of luck though!

HR_Guy

Sleep over once and make her regret it. I'm sure she won't be nagging to move in anymore.

jwaggz82

iTrader: (1)

I have a 24month rule. I think 12months is still your glory months and 25+ months becomes reality. .... either good reality or bad.

SSQ

See that's the thing about moving in with a girlfriend. If she wants you to get your own place, get YOUR own place, but don't get yourself in a situtation where she has the right to your place.

I was actually just talking with my gf about this as well. I worked my tail off since highschool, saved through college by working at night and worked even harder during vacations, now I am doing my MS and is still working while studing, plus now I teach labs. Guess what, since my parents will be paying the down payment of a house for me (1/3 of the total cost of the house), and I have saved up enough to pay off most of the house as well (having 5/6 of a 320k house paid off, including the funding of my parents), I am not going to let anybody have easy access to the result of my hard work.

Same reason I don't let people touch my cars, I saved up and paid cash for them.

I have been living with my girlfriend for 4 years now in an apartment, and now that I am buying a house, she can come live with me at MY place. That's kinda how I explained it. But of course, I had to give her the priviledge of doing all that she wants to the interior, backyard, and front yard. I get to call it "mine" on a sheet of paper.

matt_a

You can't be serious with that advice. Renting an appartment might be the only option many people have, but it is almost never a good financial move. Rent is throwing money away. Buying a home is an investment. Unless you pay way too much or buy in a really bad area, you're almost always going to have an asset that appreciates in value.
And I also disagree that it's better to live with someone. I feel it's better to date and get to know the person until you're ready to get married. Then you move in together...not before. Call me old fashioned, but that 's the way I see it.

13edge

My advice is to figure out if this is 'the one' before dealing with all the bellyaching.

More advice. Talk to married guys. Not married people. Married GUYS. And don't just hear what they have to say... LISTEN to their message. Just about every married guy I know is miserable, but luckily for them they have no clue about their condition.

Lastly... Girls, as much as I love them, ____ you off when they move in. Little things, like toilet paper in every trashcan in the house, squeezing the toothpaste from the middle, organizing... don't even get me started on organizing, because organizing has like it's own little subcategory of ____ing me off. They 'organize', but then forget where they put stuff, or don't know the names of the things they organized. If it's something they hate, it gets organized all the way to the dump. You never hear a guy say, "Y'know... I think this shrub would look better on the other side of the walkway." We don't care where the shrub is... know why? It's a shrub!

Hmm... this ended up being a little more involved than the three sentences I envisioned. Good luck.

matt_a

That's pretty sad. Maybe you just need different friends. I've been happily married for 20 years to the love of my life. I would be miserable without her.
I love the part about the shrub though. Very true!

Skeorx13

Funny how I always hear about my friends' spouses like "Nag this, nag that. That _______, that _____, etc." And yet I never hear, "My spouse is the ____, you know what he/she did for me yesterday?..."