tC4italy

Wow. Mostly men chimed in here. And wow....for once I agree with most of them.

I'll give u the example of my cousin. Dated then got engaged with this guy. 9 years together. They moved in and after 2 months he broke up with her.

Now I'm sure there were other reasons for that but the fact that living together is completely different than seeing each other for the day and then ciao is true.

Why not (as someone above mentioned) stay with yr family a while longer so you can both save more and see where the relationship with the girl is going? This will buy you time to reflect as well as saving up more

matt_a

So you don't know any happily married people who actually love their spouse? I kinda doubt that. I think some guys will complain about their wives to their friends to get a laugh, but the truth is they are very happy. Sure, there are times when my wife will get on my nerves...just like I get on hers. But I wouldn't trade being married to her for anything.

UV7

Stay where you are. Save more money. See where the relationship leads. More money in hand will make getting a mortgage MUCH easier on you. The timeframe will also give you the opportunity to get to know one another better. If she can't comprehend your choice to do so, then tell her to take a hike. She wasn't worth the crap she was full of anyway.

Adorian

Go with that guys idea.

star_krazy

if u dont want to then dont

just tell her ur not ready

trust ur gut instinct

i wish i did lol

jwaggz82

iTrader: (1)

tell her:

Skeorx13

They all say they love their spouse, well almost all of them. But you'd never guess it the way they talk about them or treat them or the situations they're in. I think people just trick themselves into thinking that way so they'll rationalize their decision to rashly bind themselves to another being.
that's effin' perfect.

matt_a

Wow, dude. You really have a cynical view of marriage. I’m sorry to see that. Many people today treat it as a throw-away relationship with no real value. I personally see it as one of the most important foundational institutions of civilized society. All I can tell you is, yes, there are plenty of genuinely happy married couples out there.

jwaggz82

iTrader: (1)

^ I think that many people crash and burn because living with someone is different then going out with them. Anybody who had roomates in college can tell you that you will eventually get into a fight with them (atleast once) and the whole group (i had 3 roomates becides me) has to get together and become friends again. This goes for living with a woman .... you need to fight and be able to work things out. If you cant work things out now you will never be able to in the future. That is why I said to rent a place for a year or two ...just to see how things work. If you have $$ saved and it wont hurt you to rent ...go for it. Ide say that if you are already going out for 9months that you should wait on getting a place for atlteast another 6 months. Divoce rate is actually at a lower point now and I think its because people are thinking more about their relationships instead of jumping into them.

Skeorx13

The grass must be hella greener over in Hanover... I don't really consider myself too cynical, just more of a realist. Are you a religious person? Most people here don't go into marriage for love or religion. It's mainly for financial stability.

tC4italy

That's just sad.

Frosty355

Reproduced under the Fair Use exception of 17 USC 107 for noncommercial, nonprofit or educational use.

Marriage Not The Goal For All Cohabiting Couples

Last Updated: 2002-11-21 10:00:31 -0400 (Reuters Health)

By Alison McCook

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Approximately one quarter of women living with a man say they don't ever plan on marrying him, according to new study findings.

This result suggests that for many people, living together is not a step on the road to marriage, study author Dr. Wendy D. Manning of Bowling Green State University in Ohio told Reuters Health.

More couples live together out of wedlock than ever before, and the reasons why some roommates prefer to stay unwed likely vary, she said. Some may believe that marriage would not alter their situation enough to make it worthwhile. Others may move in with a mate with no plans to marry him, Manning suggested, preferring the intimacy and companionship that comes from a roommate, and not from a date or husband.

Others may have previously imagined they and their boyfriends would marry, but reconsidered after sharing a residence, Manning added.

"They might learn from cohabitation that they really don't want to marry them," she said.

Manning and her co-author, Dr. Pamela J. Smock of the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, determined the future wedding plans of 772 women who said they were living with their boyfriends by asking the question: "Do you expect to marry your current boyfriend?"

The findings are published in the November issue of the Journal of Family Issues.

Although many respondents said they believed they would never wed their partners, Manning explained in an interview that cohabiting does not appear to be replacing marriage, for just as many Americans are marrying now as before.

"So there are a lot of people who are cohabiting, they want to get married some time, but they don't know when, or with whom," she said.

Interestingly, she noted that one factor often linked to whether or not a woman said she expected to marry her partner was his income and education, with women partnered with men who have a lower income or educational background less likely to say they plan to marry. This relationship held true regardless of how much money the woman was making, Manning noted.

These findings do not suggest that money is always a woman's number one priority, Manning cautioned. Rather, she said that she suspects that these women believe that economic stability is a condition of marriage, and they don't want to marry--and perhaps have children--without feeling financially secure.

In terms of why more unwed people are living together than previously, Manning explained that the age at which people are getting married has shown a "steady rise" over the years. And extra time before matrimony gives people the opportunity to have relationships and live with people other than their future spouses, she noted.

jwaggz82

iTrader: (1)

Im not saying thats not correct but its from 2002 ^

Frosty355

True. I was just adding fuel to the fire by throwing out a "Professional" point of view on the subject.

jwaggz82

iTrader: (1)

13edge

Best. Math. Ever.

Skeorx13

actually that's the root of all evil not problems... but similar idea.

Now that I think of it though, the whole "women need a financially stable man" seems to tie into biology perfectly well. Back when we were cavedwellers the man would need to provide food and shelter for the woman and kids. The caveman that can't doesn't get to breed. Seems about equivalent to marriage now-a-days. Meh, I still ain't getting married regardless.

AKAvensis

Ay yi yi so tonight she says "why dont you want to live with me" and i said "look im just not ready, i dont think we are ready, i dont want to ruin waht we have, we have only been together for 9 months" and the night there after was all awkward cuz she is al ____ed and sad at teh same time. gRRRR!!!! if she brings it up again shes gettin the boot, im sick of this pressure to live wtih her.,

Sifu

Simple. Are you married? No. End of story.

jwaggz82

iTrader: (1)

I think you should follow through with that. How old is she .... im trying to get the "GRRR" image in my head. hehe.