DJ_Seksies

i dont know where to put this so i decided in here

I haven't been on in a while and I know this is going to be long, but I request you guys here to read this and give some advice for me. I don't know who else to go to now...

Ok here it goes, i've been dating this girl for a while now and i can say i fell in love with her. She and the family isn't doing good financially and her so called "uncle" is helping her out sometimes I suppose by like sending her money and stuff (he lives in a different state then we are) and she talks to him on aim occasionally. By the way, nobody in the family knows about this except her. Recently, he bought her 2 shirts at 50 dollars a piece and sending her a check for 200 dollars. She even said that he's in the process of getting her a new LAPTOP. I was like damn, your uncle is nice as hell. Just yesterday she came over to my parent's restaurant to hang out for a little bit and while I was working she was talking to her "uncle" on aim. I couldn't help but to take a glance behind her and this was what they said...

GF: I got one of the shirts today, its gorgeous
Uncle: Really?
GF: Yea, it fits really good, i love it
Uncle: I can't wait to see you in it...
Uncle: and out of it...

At that point I turned back, ran into the kitchen and thought to myself "WTF is going on? Isn't she talking to her uncle??" I didn't mention any of this to her. So im at my computer right now at work, and i couldn't help but to check the e-mails they have been sending to each other. I know this isn't right for me to do, but I had that feeling that I needed to do that. I found that she has been sending "pictures" and even some videos of her to him. He has all these requests for her and he's all commenting on them... WTF?? Now I know he's not some ordinary, generous uncle that I tought he was. I need to know what do to right now... I don't want to think about these things... please help. Thank you

Magnus213

iTrader: (1)

Wow. It's hard to say what to do in this scenario, but sadly it's not going to end happily for you First, is this really her blood-related uncle? If yes, then the whole situation is extremely perverted, and if no, then who is this person? Do her parents ever question the origins of the expensive clothing she wears? How long has this been going on?

Whatever the situation, I'm sorry that this girl has done this to you... I suppose you have only so many options: 1. Ignore the situation, let it continue; 2. Continue spying on her conversations, find out more about this person and the situation; 3. Confront her about it; 4. Confront this mysterious Uncle about it; 5. Go to her parents with it.

I'd probably start with #2 and move on to #3, but like I said, I've never really had an experience with this kind of thing. Best of luck

S1lent

Hump it and dump it. Let her remain aware of how she lost a good thing by *Dont want to think about that* with the "uncle".

docjpv

confront her first before doing something drastic.. make sure you gather evidences by snoopin around her emails. but seriously.. try talkin bout it.. if she gives you crap and not the honest answer i say dump that chick.. she's prob playin you for favors or even stuff.. IMHO

sosgal721

I think first you might wanna figure out whats goin on in her head. There might be a discusting reason why she is doing it or there might be a sort-of reason why she is doing it-a deaper one.
When you do confront her about it, be careful not to accuse her of anything, because usually people will automatically defend themselves in these types of situations in any way possible because they are embarassed.
If she admits that she has done something to betray you then end it.

tikbhoy

its a lost cause, if she has intimate conversations like that with him and your trying to date her.

^as said above, hump it and dump it.

* she might just think your just a friend. but if all hell breaks loose, copy all the sexy vids,pix so u got something to remember.

the world is cruel, reality bites, just do what you gotta do.

DJ_Seksies

Thanks for all the replies, I really do appreciate this very much.

Magnus213 - This isn't her blood related uncle. Her related aunt remarried to this guy supposedly. I don't even know if I can trust her on this either. Her parents never think anything of the clothing she wears. I don't know exactly how long this has been going on, I just know she has been talking to him before I met her, and thats been a while. I think I'm probably going to do what you say, spy around for a little bit more first then confront her. The thing is, I don't know what to say to her if I do though...

S1lent - I've thought about it, its easier to say than do. I really don't want our relationship to end like this. I don't hate her for doing this though, I'm just confused why is she doing this.

Docjpv - I honestly don't think she is playing me, or it's just maybe I'm in denial lol

sosgal21 - I thought about it and I think there is a reason why she is doing this, maybe for the money and the stuff he's getting her? Maybe? I don't know.

tikbhoy - No she doesn't have intimate conversations with him. It's just about the pics and vids. She gets advice from him for various things like school, family, life, etc. but nothing other than that I don't think. We have been going out for a long time now so I know she doesn't think of me as only a friend. I'll keep the last line you wrote in mind though...


Again, thanks for all your replies and suggestions, it's really helping me.

jct

black mail

Madzozs

Well first thing I can tell you. Don't keep spying on her. That just makes it easier for her to put blame on you if something goes down. Tell her you saw the convo on aim at the restaurant and you got kinda worried about it. Ask about the uncle, and if you get to meet him sometime, or at least what the relationship between them really is.

You said you loved her, if you are going to go behind her back and spy on her it isn't love. Just be honest with her and hope that she returns it. If not, headbutt her in the **** and leave.

Serialk1llr

Thats some ____ed up ____.

+1 to what Madzozs said.

Magnus213

iTrader: (1)

You raise a good point, the snooping thing I suggested will have serious ramifications on the trust quotient of the relationship. I suggested it because I assumed that the relationship would be ending anyway with the unfaithful behavior. The snooping would also provide an absolute confirmation of the facts-- I can't decide if it would be worse to confront her and have misinterperated the whole thing or to do some damage to the trust factor and be absolutely positive.

SCION_X

Relationships are built on trust, and if there is no trust there is no relationship. I do agree spying on her is wrong, but if there is something you see that is questionable then you need to ask her what was that about. As for you age, this kind of stuff comes with the territory. Speaking from a marriage point of view you have it easier thatn you can possibably believe. If you love her, and you want the same back then treat her like you want to be treated, with respect, loyalty, and most important honesty. Do not blame, or accuse her but question your concern of how they are conversing with each other.

If her 'uncle' not of blood is speaking to her like that and you happen to see what was said, then you have every reason to question why he is talking to her, or her talking to him in that manner. Make sure to keep clam no matter what you hear.

For one i would have looked more on what she wrote, and if she loves you you should be able to SEE or hear what they have to say to one another. Does she try and hide stuff from you, or does she turn you away and say Dont Look? If so, then she doesnt trust you, and you should NOT and i repeat NOT trust anyone that does that type of stuff. From many years of experience on the other side of marriage when i was single i had many relationships like these and EVERYONE that there was trust issues did not work out for long. They either cheated, lied or took things from me. Not all were bad, but TRUST IS EVERYTHING.

Do not FEAR questioning things you are worried about, it is for her to prove to you that everything is fine. If you ask in a loving way it should be returned in that manner. If she yells and screams at you she is HIDING SOMETHING, and it might not be that she is doing anything wrong, but it might be a Wish Fullfillment of her deapest thoughts and is AFRAID that you might JUDGE HER, and therefore she will get VERY DEFENSIVE.

Blood or Not, he is giving her INCOME, and she is probably around your age, and she will look up to him and allow him to talk to her in any manner as long as she accepts his support. As for him buying her things, i find it disturbing that the ammount he is spending on her. Does she visit him or plan to go alone with him any time soon? These are things you need to question yourself if you trust her. And if you do not then you need to do something CONSTRUCTIVE about that.

A relationshipo is a 24/7 responsibility, never ending... LOVE, TRUST, RESPONSIBILITY. All in the same family and vital to its survival.

I hope things go well with you, you aare still young and nothing is wrong with ASKING QUESTIONS, just be calm and collective. It shows you care, and if she doesnt return that love you will know what to do...

Good Luck...

DownhillSpec

all im gonna say is that this sounds like how my marriage ended... though substitute uncle for her high school boyfriend. yeah.... though crappy this is a reality that we all must face at least once... in a relationship, if you think something is going on behind your back, it probably is.

sosgal721

There is a million and one reasons why she would do this-main one is insecurities-girls have many of them, i would know... I am one lol
take SCION X's advice on staying calm, but don't give up on it just get because who knows, this could make your relationship stronger.

Madzozs

I just really wanted to say that again. sorry.

S1lent

But you have to understand... Some people aren't man enough to understand that she is a peice of worthless trash. Instead... The pansy inside them desides to find out what they did so wrong to deserve it.

This is why you stay single and stop whining about this kind of trash. They mess up, dump em. That simple. But noooooooooooooo I wanna stretch it out further and make my life even more confusing...

DOLTS!

DownhillSpec

umm i would like to say that ^^^ this kinda crap i do not agree with... have a nice day.

S1lent

I will.

DJ_Seksies

I just wantded to say thank you guys again, especially Madzozs and Scion X. I went to her this morning and did what you guys said. We worked everything out, she told me the whole story and why she did it. Even though we both feel so sh*tty about bringing this up, everything worked out. We're still together and I can feel I can always trust her. Seriously, thank you all that have replied to this thread

Magnus213

iTrader: (1)

Glad to hear it man, that's good news.