the official scionlife joke thread!!! post 'em here
06-16-2006, 05:55 PM
#181
Senior Member
SL Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 500
there's this lady on a plane with her poodle. she's holding it in her lap. a gentleman in the seat in front of her lights a cigar. being that this is an international flight, smoking is allowed on this flight. nevertheless, her dog doesn't like the smell of smoke and she asks him to put it out. he turns and says something like 'over his dead body.' the poodle starts to growl at the man at this point. the lady, again asks the man to kindly put the cigar out or something bad may happen. he flatly refuses. the next thing you know, the poodle hops over the seat and bites the cigar out of the man's mouth. well, the flight attendants separate the poodle and cigar and return them to their respective owners along with a warning. just as soon as the dog gets back to its seat, it jumps over the chair again and pulls the cigar out of the man's mouth with his teeth. the attendants separate them again and say that if it happens again, they will have to throw the dog and cigar out of the airplane. well, just as soon as the dog get's in it's seat.... of course it jumps up and snatches the cigar from the man. the flight attendants grab the dog and the cigar and throw them out of the airplane, despite the pleading of the man and woman. about an hour later, they land and, miraculously the dog is sitting on the wing. and guess what was in his mouth.
the glass tile from my last joke.
the glass tile from my last joke.
hahahahaha 
06-20-2006, 12:09 AM
#187
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SL Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 13,961
God & St. Francis
GOD: Frank, you know about gardens and nature; what
in the world is going on down there in the U.S.? What happened to
the dandelions, violets, thistles and the stuff I started eons ago? I
had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan.
Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought, and
multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts
butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a
garden
of color by now. All I see are green patches.
St. Francis: The tribes that settled there, Lord, are called the
Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and killed
them, replacing with grass.
GOD: Grass? But it is so boring, and not colorful, doesn't
attract butterflies, bees or birds, only grubs and sod worms. It's
temperamental with temperatures. Do the Suburbanites really want grass growing
there?
St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little,
they cut it, sometimes twice a week.
GOD: They cut it? Do they bale it like hay?
St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put
it in bags.
GOD: Why bag it? Is it a cash crop to sell?
St. Francis: No sir, they pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now let me get this straight; they fertilize it to make it
grow and when it grows, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
St. Francis: Yes, sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved when summer comes, we
cut back on rain and turn up the heat, slowing the growth saves them
work.
St. Francis: You aren't going to believe this Lord, but when the
grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses, pay money to water it
so they can keep mowing it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That
was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow
leaves in the spring, providing beauty and shade in the summer, in autumn
they fall to the ground to form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the
soil, protecting trees and bushes. As they rot, the leaves become
compost to enhance the soil, a natural circle of life.
St. Francis: You'd better sit down, Lord. As soon as the leaves
fall, Suburbanites rake them into great piles and pay to have them
hauled away.
GOD: No way! What do they do to protect shrubs and tree roots in
winter to keep soil moist and loose?
St. Francis: After throwing the leaves away, they go out and buy
something called mulch, bring home and spread it around in place of
leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
St. Francis: They cut down trees and grind them up to make mulch.
GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint
Catherine, you're in charge of arts. What movie have you scheduled for us
tonight?
St. Catherine: "Dumb and Dumber," Lord. It's a really stupid
movie about...
GOD: Never mind-I think I just heard the whole story from Saint
Francis!
GOD: Frank, you know about gardens and nature; what
in the world is going on down there in the U.S.? What happened to
the dandelions, violets, thistles and the stuff I started eons ago? I
had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan.
Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought, and
multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts
butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a
garden
of color by now. All I see are green patches.
St. Francis: The tribes that settled there, Lord, are called the
Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and killed
them, replacing with grass.
GOD: Grass? But it is so boring, and not colorful, doesn't
attract butterflies, bees or birds, only grubs and sod worms. It's
temperamental with temperatures. Do the Suburbanites really want grass growing
there?
St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little,
they cut it, sometimes twice a week.
GOD: They cut it? Do they bale it like hay?
St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put
it in bags.
GOD: Why bag it? Is it a cash crop to sell?
St. Francis: No sir, they pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now let me get this straight; they fertilize it to make it
grow and when it grows, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
St. Francis: Yes, sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved when summer comes, we
cut back on rain and turn up the heat, slowing the growth saves them
work.
St. Francis: You aren't going to believe this Lord, but when the
grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses, pay money to water it
so they can keep mowing it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That
was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow
leaves in the spring, providing beauty and shade in the summer, in autumn
they fall to the ground to form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the
soil, protecting trees and bushes. As they rot, the leaves become
compost to enhance the soil, a natural circle of life.
St. Francis: You'd better sit down, Lord. As soon as the leaves
fall, Suburbanites rake them into great piles and pay to have them
hauled away.
GOD: No way! What do they do to protect shrubs and tree roots in
winter to keep soil moist and loose?
St. Francis: After throwing the leaves away, they go out and buy
something called mulch, bring home and spread it around in place of
leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
St. Francis: They cut down trees and grind them up to make mulch.
GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint
Catherine, you're in charge of arts. What movie have you scheduled for us
tonight?
St. Catherine: "Dumb and Dumber," Lord. It's a really stupid
movie about...
GOD: Never mind-I think I just heard the whole story from Saint
Francis!
06-21-2006, 08:24 PM
#188
Senior Member
SL Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 500
here's one of my worst.
a guy with no arms is going town to town looking for work. he comes across this church with a sign that reads 'bell ringer wanted'. well, the guy gets all excited and rushes into the church to talk to the priest. When he finds the priest, he asks if he could fill the position. the priest says "well, how do you plan to do that, you have no arms." He replies"just let me show you. lets go up to the bell tower and i'll show you." the priest agrees and they go up to the top of the bell tower. once there, the guy steps back runs full speed at the bell and GOOOOONNNNGGGG, smacks the bell with his face. the guy staggers around a bit and swears he's fine. he steps back again and runs face first into the bell, GOOOOOONNNNG, again. the priest, a little concerned says" maybe this isn't such a good idea, lets get down from...". "Nonsense, I'm fine. one more and i'll quit."says the man. he steps back, runs full force into the bell, GOOOOOONNNNNGGG, staggers heavily and falls out of the bell tower. later that night, the coroner is there and he turns to the priest and says"priest, do you know this guy?" the priest says" no, but his face rings a bell."
if you like that one, i've got another.
a guy with no arms is going town to town looking for work. he comes across this church with a sign that reads 'bell ringer wanted'. well, the guy gets all excited and rushes into the church to talk to the priest. When he finds the priest, he asks if he could fill the position. the priest says "well, how do you plan to do that, you have no arms." He replies"just let me show you. lets go up to the bell tower and i'll show you." the priest agrees and they go up to the top of the bell tower. once there, the guy steps back runs full speed at the bell and GOOOOONNNNGGGG, smacks the bell with his face. the guy staggers around a bit and swears he's fine. he steps back again and runs face first into the bell, GOOOOOONNNNG, again. the priest, a little concerned says" maybe this isn't such a good idea, lets get down from...". "Nonsense, I'm fine. one more and i'll quit."says the man. he steps back, runs full force into the bell, GOOOOOONNNNNGGG, staggers heavily and falls out of the bell tower. later that night, the coroner is there and he turns to the priest and says"priest, do you know this guy?" the priest says" no, but his face rings a bell."
if you like that one, i've got another.
06-21-2006, 08:30 PM
#189
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SL Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Scion of Waldorf (MD)
Posts: 803
Originally Posted by xlr8tC
here's one of my worst.
a guy with no arms is going town to town looking for work. he comes across this church with a sign that reads 'bell ringer wanted'. well, the guy gets all excited and rushes into the church to talk to the priest. When he finds the priest, he asks if he could fill the position. the priest says "well, how do you plan to do that, you have no arms." He replies"just let me show you. lets go up to the bell tower and i'll show you." the priest agrees and they go up to the top of the bell tower. once there, the guy steps back runs full speed at the bell and GOOOOONNNNGGGG, smacks the bell with his face. the guy staggers around a bit and swears he's fine. he steps back again and runs face first into the bell, GOOOOOONNNNG, again. the priest, a little concerned says" maybe this isn't such a good idea, lets get down from...". "Nonsense, I'm fine. one more and i'll quit."says the man. he steps back, runs full force into the bell, GOOOOOONNNNNGGG, staggers heavily and falls out of the bell tower. later that night, the coroner is there and he turns to the priest and says"priest, do you know this guy?" the priest says" no, but his face rings a bell."
if you like that one, i've got another.
a guy with no arms is going town to town looking for work. he comes across this church with a sign that reads 'bell ringer wanted'. well, the guy gets all excited and rushes into the church to talk to the priest. When he finds the priest, he asks if he could fill the position. the priest says "well, how do you plan to do that, you have no arms." He replies"just let me show you. lets go up to the bell tower and i'll show you." the priest agrees and they go up to the top of the bell tower. once there, the guy steps back runs full speed at the bell and GOOOOONNNNGGGG, smacks the bell with his face. the guy staggers around a bit and swears he's fine. he steps back again and runs face first into the bell, GOOOOOONNNNG, again. the priest, a little concerned says" maybe this isn't such a good idea, lets get down from...". "Nonsense, I'm fine. one more and i'll quit."says the man. he steps back, runs full force into the bell, GOOOOOONNNNNGGG, staggers heavily and falls out of the bell tower. later that night, the coroner is there and he turns to the priest and says"priest, do you know this guy?" the priest says" no, but his face rings a bell."
if you like that one, i've got another.
06-21-2006, 08:47 PM
#190
Senior Member
SL Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 500
so, at the bell ringer's funeral, his family shows up. apparently, this no arm thing is genetic. his entire family has no arms. well, right when they get there, his brother walks up to the priest and says"priest, i have to ring the bell for my brother." the priest says" no. no way, we've already had one accident. no." "but I have to. it's my brother's funeral. just let me ring the bell once." the priest finally agrees and they go up to the bell tower. the young man steps back, runs full force at the bell, GOOOONNNNGGG, and hits it face first. He staggers around a moment and then falls out of the tower. later that night, the coroner shows up and he asks the priest" priest, did you know this guy?" the priest replies" no, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
and those are the two longest, most ungratifying jokes i know. and now you know them too. good luck living with that.
and those are the two longest, most ungratifying jokes i know. and now you know them too. good luck living with that.
06-28-2006, 05:10 PM
#193
Senior Member
SL Member
Scinergy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: ScinergyCO
Posts: 6,157
A lady bought a new Lexus. It cost a bundle.
Two days later, she brought it back, complaining that the radio was not working.
"Madam", said the sales manager, "the audio system in this car is completely automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and you will hear exactly that!"
She drove out, somewhat amazed and a little confused.
She looked at the radio and said "Nelson."
The radio responded, "Ricky or Willie?"
Soon, she was traveling down the highway to the sounds of "On The Road Again."
The lady was astounded. If she wanted Bach or Beethoven, that's what she got. If she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it.
At a traffic light, her light turned green and she pulled out.
Just then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a SUV speeding toward her!
She swerved and narrowly missed having a terrible collision.
"Stupid Idiot", she muttered.
And, from the radio...
"Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States of America, George W. Bush."
Two days later, she brought it back, complaining that the radio was not working.
"Madam", said the sales manager, "the audio system in this car is completely automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and you will hear exactly that!"
She drove out, somewhat amazed and a little confused.
She looked at the radio and said "Nelson."
The radio responded, "Ricky or Willie?"
Soon, she was traveling down the highway to the sounds of "On The Road Again."
The lady was astounded. If she wanted Bach or Beethoven, that's what she got. If she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it.
At a traffic light, her light turned green and she pulled out.
Just then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a SUV speeding toward her!
She swerved and narrowly missed having a terrible collision.
"Stupid Idiot", she muttered.
And, from the radio...
"Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States of America, George W. Bush."
06-29-2006, 03:10 AM
#195
Senior Member
StyleWagons
SL Member
Scion Evolution
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,459
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.
The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."
The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."
The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.
The nun agrees but asks for **** sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.
After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "
The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"
The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."
The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."
The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.
The nun agrees but asks for **** sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.
After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "
The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"
06-29-2006, 04:35 AM
#196
Senior Member
SL Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: HB, CA
Posts: 2,366
a man and his wife tried forever to have a child without success. the woman enlisted the help of an herbalist who encouraged her to ingest several different unfamiliar herbs that he professed would guarantee pregnancy. low and behold she became pregnant.
the child is born but there was a significant problem. he was pretty much just a head with some loose flesh underneath.
his parents tried and bring him up normally and they would set him in front of the window daily and he watched the world outside.
as he became a young man he became increasingly depressed and his parents thought he may be becoming suicidal so they decided to throw a party for him to try and lift his spirits.
they went into his room and announced, "son, we have a wonderful surprise for you".
he replied, "let me guess, another hat".
the child is born but there was a significant problem. he was pretty much just a head with some loose flesh underneath.
his parents tried and bring him up normally and they would set him in front of the window daily and he watched the world outside.
as he became a young man he became increasingly depressed and his parents thought he may be becoming suicidal so they decided to throw a party for him to try and lift his spirits.
they went into his room and announced, "son, we have a wonderful surprise for you".
he replied, "let me guess, another hat".
06-29-2006, 11:39 AM
#197
Senior Member
SL Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 500
A woman went to the Pharmacy & asked the Pharmacist for cyanide. The Pharmacist asked "Why in the world would you need cyanide", to which she replied "To kill my husband!" The Pharmacist said "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! It is against the law, I would lose my license and they would throw us both in jail!" "Why would you want to do a terrible thing like that?"
The woman opened her purse, pulled out a picture of her husband, who was in bed with the Pharmacist's wife. The Pharmacist said "Well, you didn't say you had a Prescription!"
The woman opened her purse, pulled out a picture of her husband, who was in bed with the Pharmacist's wife. The Pharmacist said "Well, you didn't say you had a Prescription!"
07-01-2006, 06:15 PM
#199
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that _____ knows I'm smarter than her.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that _____ knows I'm smarter than her.
07-01-2006, 06:36 PM
#200
Senior Member
SL Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Scion of Waldorf (MD)
Posts: 803
Originally Posted by David616
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that biscuit knows I'm smarter than her.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that biscuit knows I'm smarter than her.