xSTANDxSTRONGx

I think this is a little too soon


















































to be so funny

Tito_Cruz

I agree.....ouch...

eLpReSiDeNtE

woow....dats f-ed up man......lmaoooo.....still funny as hell though

Tito_Cruz

awwww....man! Somebody posted the pinneapple joke I wanted to post! ARRRGGG! That's one of the best jokes in the WORLD!!!! Anyway here goes another...that's not as good but still funny...I haven't told this joke in years so it's kinda rusty...

4 Elderly men who were long time friends went golfing. One of the men went to rent the carts as the other 3 were catching up on eachothers lives. They were bragging how successful their sons have gotten. The first says his son is a rolex salesman and that he's doing so well that he bought his friend a new rolex! The second says that it's nothing and his son is a mercedes salesman and he's doing so well that he just bought his friend a brand new mercedes! The third says whatever...that his son builds houses and that he's doing so good that he just bought his friend a brand new house! By this time the fourth guy has returned with the carts. They all ask him how his son is doing. Embarassed he tells them that his son is a ___ and a stripper but that his friends had just bought him a rolex, brand new mercedes, and a new house!

eLpReSiDeNtE

LMAOOOO.....TITO THAT WAS A FUNNY ONE BRO....THE IRONY OF LIFE!!!!!

tCTaco

iTrader: (1)

Alright, So I put this in another thread but here you go...

Two Jewish men, "Sid" and "Al" were sitting in a Mexican restaurant. Sid

asked Al, "Are there any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico?"



Al replied, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."



When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"

and the waiter said, "I don't know Senor, I'll ask the cooks."



He returned from the kitchen in a few minutes and said,

"No sir, no Mexican Jews."



Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked, "Are you absolutely sure?"



The waiter, realizing he was dealing with "Gringos" gave the expected

answer, "I will check again, Senor!" and went back into the kitchen.



While the waiter was away, Sid said, "I find it hard to believe that there

are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere."



The waiter returned and said, "Senor, the head cook says "No Mexican Jews!"



Are you certain?" Al asked once again, "I can't believe there are no

Mexican Jews!"



"Senor, I ask EVERYONE," replied the exasperated waiter. "We have orange

Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of

Mexican Jews"!

I-Fly-High

I read it twice and laughed just as much

tc-guy

juno mayne, das da funniest ____o i ever heard.

eLpReSiDeNtE

here goes a superhero joke

so one day superman wakes up hornyyyyy a$$ hell and all he wants to do is get sum booty so he goes up to babtman:

superman: "batman im so friggin horny....do u know of any place i can go to get sum action??"

batman: "well superman i dunno anyplace but have u tried wonderwoman....??"

superman: "hell no batman ur freakin sik wondserwoman is my friend...i would never!!!"

disgusted by batmans suggestion superman immeadiately takes off....a few hours lata he spots green lantern....

superman: "hey green lantern u seem like a ladies man....any good spot where i can get me sum buns???"

green lantern: "nah man but i was over at wonderwomans place last week and i definately recommend her...ohhhh boyyy"

superman: "wats wrong wit u guys dat is our friend how can ya possibly!!!..."

once again superman takes off very disturbed by his homeboys responses and still very horny he starts to consider approaching wonderwoman....as he flies over a building he sees wonderwoman naked on the rooftop wit her legs wide open.....hmmm he thought to himself.....
"i am faster than a speeding bullet...i bet i can go in screw her and she will never find out!!"
he made up his mind and sdecided to proceed...using his lighting speed superman flew down and before wonderwoman could even noticed he was done and gone....all she felt was a breeze.......................................................



wonderwoman: "wat the heck was dat???"

invisible man: "i dunno man but my a$$ really really really feels like it has been torned in two!!!!"

Tito_Cruz

haha...thanks...yeah, the irony...

That was hillarious...it'd be funny to see that one acted out...like on SNL or sumthing...

Anyway...here goes another favorite of mine...

A drunk had been at a pub all night. At last call, the drunk stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time, to the same result.

He figured he'd crawl outside to get some fresh air, since maybe that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the four blocks to his house.

When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face.

He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.

This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep the second his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning by his wife shouting, "So you've been out drinking again, have you?!"

"No! What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on his best innocent expression.

"The pub called... you forgot your wheelchair again."

jct

wtf those wernt't bad jokes haha

Tito_Cruz

haha...neither were yours...cummon hornet...I've been waiting to see another one of yours...haha...

I-Fly-High

Yea I didn't feel weird laughing at any of thoose.

tCTaco

iTrader: (1)

oops, we were suppose to put bad jokes?

jct

bah its my thread anyways so post away good or bad

SSM_tC

Three blondes were walking in the forest when they came upon some tracks.

Blonde 1: " Looks like Deer Tracks"

Blonde 2: "Nooo.. looks more like Rabbit tracks"

Blonde 3: "OMG... They might be bear tracks!@"


Then the train hit them.

I-Fly-High

jct

Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers
are having a bad day........

My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!

Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.

Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"

Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.

How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?

I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you ..
I've changed my mind.

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.

Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky, & West Virginia)

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!

When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.

We have been friends for a very long time ..
let's say we stop?

I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.

So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay

jct

PONDERISMS

. * I used to eat a lot of natural foods
until I learned that most
people die of natural causes.

. * Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

. * The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to
buy a replacement.

. * Never take life seriously.
Nobody gets out alive anyway.

* There are two kinds of pedestrians: the
quick and the dead.

* Life is sexually transmitted.

* Health is merely the slowest possible
rate at which one can die.

. * The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

. * Some people are like Slinkies.
Not really good for anything,
but you still can't help but smile
when you see one tumble down the stairs.

. * Health nuts are going to feel stupid
someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

. * Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

. * All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to criticism.

. * In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the
world is weird and people take
Prozac to make it normal.


. * How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
takes a whole box to start a campfire?

. * Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

. * And... Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat
the next thing that comes outta its butt."

. * Why is there a light in the fridge and
not in the freezer?

. * If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,
why is there a song about him?

. * Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if
they are going to look there anyway?

. * If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

. * If electricity comes from electrons, does
morality come from morons?

. * Do illiterate people get the full
effect of Alphabet Soup?

. * Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,
but when you take him on a car ride, he
sticks his head out the window?

. * Does pushing the elevator button more
than once make it arrive faster?

. * Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

I-Fly-High

those were great!