the official scionlife joke thread!!! post 'em here
02-20-2006, 05:06 AM
#27
Senior Member
Fail, INC
Club One
SL Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Team Sharpie
Posts: 10,213
Speaking of pirates...
A pirate ship is sailing out in the sea. On of the deck hands sees another pirate ship approaching, as if to attack. The deck hand runs to the the captain, "Captain! Captain! We're about to be attacked!" he says.
"Bring me my red shirt." orders the captain.
The deck hand brings the captain his red shirt, they fight and defeat the other ship.
A week later, the deck hand sees three pirate ships approaching, as if to attack.
"Captain. Captain. We're about to be attacked again! This time there's three ships!"
The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt."
The deck hand brings the captain his red shirt, the fight the three ships and win.
Another week goes by and the deck hand sees five pirate ships approaching as if to attack.
"Captain! Captain! We're about to be attacked! This time there's five ships!"
"Bring me my red shirt." says the captain.
Again, the deck hand brings the captain his red shirt, they fight the other pirates and win.
The crew is now curious about the mystical red sirt, they believe it has some magical powers.
"Captain," asks the deck hand "does youre red shirt have magical powers that let us defeat all of our foes?"
"No, I just wear it so if during the battle I'm injured my crew will not see me bleed and lose their courage. We have defeated our foes all on our own." replies the captain.
Another week goes by and the deck hand sees ten pirate ships approaching as if to attack.
"Captain! Captain! We're about to be attacked! This time there's ten pirate ships! Would you like your red shirt?"
"No." says the captain "Bring me my brown pants."
And on a completely different note....
What kind of bees make honey?
Honeybees.
What kind of bees make milk?
Boobees!
A pirate ship is sailing out in the sea. On of the deck hands sees another pirate ship approaching, as if to attack. The deck hand runs to the the captain, "Captain! Captain! We're about to be attacked!" he says.
"Bring me my red shirt." orders the captain.
The deck hand brings the captain his red shirt, they fight and defeat the other ship.
A week later, the deck hand sees three pirate ships approaching, as if to attack.
"Captain. Captain. We're about to be attacked again! This time there's three ships!"
The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt."
The deck hand brings the captain his red shirt, the fight the three ships and win.
Another week goes by and the deck hand sees five pirate ships approaching as if to attack.
"Captain! Captain! We're about to be attacked! This time there's five ships!"
"Bring me my red shirt." says the captain.
Again, the deck hand brings the captain his red shirt, they fight the other pirates and win.
The crew is now curious about the mystical red sirt, they believe it has some magical powers.
"Captain," asks the deck hand "does youre red shirt have magical powers that let us defeat all of our foes?"
"No, I just wear it so if during the battle I'm injured my crew will not see me bleed and lose their courage. We have defeated our foes all on our own." replies the captain.
Another week goes by and the deck hand sees ten pirate ships approaching as if to attack.
"Captain! Captain! We're about to be attacked! This time there's ten pirate ships! Would you like your red shirt?"
"No." says the captain "Bring me my brown pants."
And on a completely different note....
What kind of bees make honey?
Honeybees.
What kind of bees make milk?
Boobees!
02-20-2006, 08:27 PM
#29
Senior Member
SL Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 500
So Arthur Davidson Dies And Goes To Heaven...
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good
man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you
can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang
out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who
invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"
Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."
God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's
pretty unstable, makes noise and pol lution and can't run without a
road?"
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me,
but aren't You the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Yes."
"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some
major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's t oo much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"
"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."
God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and
waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and
God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to
Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my
invention than yours."
--- I always thought the next line should read" Give it time, God, give it time."
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good
man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you
can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang
out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who
invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"
Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."
God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's
pretty unstable, makes noise and pol lution and can't run without a
road?"
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me,
but aren't You the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Yes."
"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some
major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's t oo much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"
"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."
God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and
waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and
God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to
Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my
invention than yours."
--- I always thought the next line should read" Give it time, God, give it time."
02-20-2006, 09:31 PM
#30
Senior Member
Fail, INC
Club One
SL Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Team Sharpie
Posts: 10,213
There are two flies eating a piece of poo. One fly lifts his leg and farts. The other fly says, "HEY! I'm tryin' to eat here!"
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Call it whatever you want, it aint coming.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a mute quadrapalegic in a pile of leaves?
Russel.
Why is five six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Call it whatever you want, it aint coming.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a mute quadrapalegic in a pile of leaves?
Russel.
Why is five six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine.
02-21-2006, 05:00 PM
#37
Senior Member
Scikotics
SL Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: In Your Dreams!!
Posts: 985
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it!!
Three tomatoes were walking down the road. Mom, Dad, and baby tomato.
The little one was lagging behind.
So Dad turned around and stomped him and said......
KETCHUP!!!
Put a little boogie in it!!
Three tomatoes were walking down the road. Mom, Dad, and baby tomato.
The little one was lagging behind.
So Dad turned around and stomped him and said......
KETCHUP!!!
02-21-2006, 05:37 PM
#38
Senior Member
SL Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 500
First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy." The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut up."
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy." The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut up."
02-21-2006, 10:10 PM
#40
Senior Member
Fail, INC
Club One
SL Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Team Sharpie
Posts: 10,213
A blind man is walking down the street. He passes by the local fish martket and smiles. "Goodmorning ladies."
A young boy and a man are walking through a creepy forest at night.
"Gee mister, this forest sure is scary." says the boy.
"You think it's scarry now, but I've got to walk back alone."
How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Hey! Wanna ride bikes?
How many perverts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only one, but it takes a whole operating room to remove it.
Monica Lewinski is walking down the beach and trips over a magic lamp. A genie pops out and says, "You have released my from my 1000 year slumber. However, you haven't led the best of lives so I will grant you one wish instead of three."
"Well," says Monica "I've alredy been with a powerfull man. My book has made me rich. Umm, can you get rid of these love handles?"
"Your wish is my command." replies the genie.
*POOF*
Monica's ears dissappear.
A young boy and a man are walking through a creepy forest at night.
"Gee mister, this forest sure is scary." says the boy.
"You think it's scarry now, but I've got to walk back alone."
How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Hey! Wanna ride bikes?
How many perverts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only one, but it takes a whole operating room to remove it.
Monica Lewinski is walking down the beach and trips over a magic lamp. A genie pops out and says, "You have released my from my 1000 year slumber. However, you haven't led the best of lives so I will grant you one wish instead of three."
"Well," says Monica "I've alredy been with a powerfull man. My book has made me rich. Umm, can you get rid of these love handles?"
"Your wish is my command." replies the genie.
*POOF*
Monica's ears dissappear.