the official scionlife joke thread!!! post 'em here
03-07-2007, 12:42 AM
#642
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 13,961
Originally Posted by ___MmmBoxy___
Originally Posted by tC4italy
^^ 
I was waiting for you
I was waiting for you~Stephanie
03-07-2007, 01:38 AM
#643
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Queens, Ossining, Suffolk
Posts: 867
To my
darling husband,
Before you return from your overseas trip I just
want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck
when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really
didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.
I was
coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I
accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The
garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt
when it bumped into your car.
I am really sorry, but I know with
your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I
love you and care for you my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture for
you.
I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
P.S. Your
girlfriend called.
Your
loving wife.
XXX
darling husband,
Before you return from your overseas trip I just
want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck
when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really
didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.
I was
coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I
accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The
garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt
when it bumped into your car.
I am really sorry, but I know with
your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I
love you and care for you my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture for
you.
I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
P.S. Your
girlfriend called.
Your
loving wife.
XXX
03-07-2007, 03:05 PM
#647
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Royal Post Palace
Posts: 14,092
Originally Posted by midgethearsexb
I apologize to all the women in advance for this one.
What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing... You already told her twice.
What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing... You already told her twice.
but yr a gentle man for saying the disclosure first
03-08-2007, 01:20 PM
#649
Senior Member
Scikotics
SL Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,396
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful woman wave at him and say hello.
He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says,
"My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my
buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"
She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."
He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says,
"My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my
buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"
She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."
03-08-2007, 04:54 PM
#650
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Coke-a-Cola, SC
Posts: 761
I think that one was already posted but I don't think anyone will hold it against you...
33 pages is alot to look through.
I've seen every page and I think I STILL reposted a joke. haha..
33 pages is alot to look through.
I've seen every page and I think I STILL reposted a joke. haha..
03-08-2007, 04:59 PM
#651
Senior Member
Scikotics
SL Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,396
Originally Posted by Tito_Cruz
I think that one was already posted but I don't think anyone will hold it against you...
33 pages is alot to look through.
I've seen every page and I think I STILL reposted a joke. haha..
33 pages is alot to look through.
I've seen every page and I think I STILL reposted a joke. haha..
03-08-2007, 05:23 PM
#653
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Laurel, MD
Posts: 5,114
The Power of Beer!
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth.
The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without
torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his
son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 18 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink.
Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and
orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar
patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in
disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooosh! Plop!! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent;
then bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to
drink again.
The patrons chant "Take another drink!"
The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay. Swoooosh!
Plip! Plop!! Two arms pop out.
The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his
son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink! Take
another drink!! "The bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to polishing
glasses, shaking his head, clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he
reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Plop!
Plip!! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.
The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The
boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then staggers
to the right through the front door, into the street, where a truck
runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent.
The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says,
*
*
*
*
(Wait for it)
*
*
*
*
(It's coming)
*
*
*
*
(Ya ready?)
*
*
*
(Don't hate me)
*
*
(Ya gonna hate me)
*
*
*
(Take a deep breath)
*
*
*
*
"He should've quit while he was a head!"
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth.
The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without
torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his
son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 18 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink.
Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and
orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar
patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in
disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooosh! Plop!! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent;
then bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to
drink again.
The patrons chant "Take another drink!"
The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay. Swoooosh!
Plip! Plop!! Two arms pop out.
The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his
son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink! Take
another drink!! "The bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to polishing
glasses, shaking his head, clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he
reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Plop!
Plip!! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.
The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The
boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then staggers
to the right through the front door, into the street, where a truck
runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent.
The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says,
*
*
*
*
(Wait for it)
*
*
*
*
(It's coming)
*
*
*
*
(Ya ready?)
*
*
*
(Don't hate me)
*
*
(Ya gonna hate me)
*
*
*
(Take a deep breath)
*
*
*
*
"He should've quit while he was a head!"
03-08-2007, 05:55 PM
#655
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SL Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Coke-a-Cola, SC
Posts: 761
Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill.
"Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says.
"Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says.
03-08-2007, 06:43 PM
#656
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SL Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Lynnwood, WA
Posts: 2,982
C this is for you...
3 women, all from different countries want to try and see what it would take to take over thier husbands.
They decide to meet after a month again and tell of their progress.
A month passes and they meet up again, the american woman says that it only took her a couple of days to dominate her husband, the italian woman says it took her a week and a half to see progress...
the romanian woman says:
" well the first week i saw nothing, second week, nothing, third week nothing, heck i just finally started seeing out of my left eye yesterday
3 women, all from different countries want to try and see what it would take to take over thier husbands.
They decide to meet after a month again and tell of their progress.
A month passes and they meet up again, the american woman says that it only took her a couple of days to dominate her husband, the italian woman says it took her a week and a half to see progress...
the romanian woman says:
" well the first week i saw nothing, second week, nothing, third week nothing, heck i just finally started seeing out of my left eye yesterday
03-08-2007, 06:46 PM
#658
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SL Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Lynnwood, WA
Posts: 2,982
another romanian joke...
three presidents are in a limo, taking a tour of the world, american, chinese, and romanian, american president says, ahh were over america now, i can see the twin towers
chinese president says they are in china now, because he can see the himalayas
romanian president puts his hand out the window, brings it back and says:
"were in romania now, the other presidents say how do you know??."
he replies "i put my hand out the window, and now my watch is gone"
three presidents are in a limo, taking a tour of the world, american, chinese, and romanian, american president says, ahh were over america now, i can see the twin towers
chinese president says they are in china now, because he can see the himalayas
romanian president puts his hand out the window, brings it back and says:
"were in romania now, the other presidents say how do you know??."
he replies "i put my hand out the window, and now my watch is gone"
03-08-2007, 06:59 PM
#659
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SL Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Queens, Ossining, Suffolk
Posts: 867
Originally Posted by tC4italy
Originally Posted by I-Fly-High
Yea I think she will be crying but not because of laughter!
why dragon why.......I thought you loved me
03-08-2007, 10:20 PM
#660
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SL Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 13,961
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day I went down town to go to the newsstand for the Wall Street Journal so I could track my investments. I was only in there for abou t 5 minutes. When I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I said to him, "Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a "****."He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a "doughnut eating Gestapo." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket.
This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care..... I came down town on the bus. The car that he ws putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said "Hillary in '08."
I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.
Well, for example, the other day I went down town to go to the newsstand for the Wall Street Journal so I could track my investments. I was only in there for abou t 5 minutes. When I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I said to him, "Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a "****."He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a "doughnut eating Gestapo." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket.
This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care..... I came down town on the bus. The car that he ws putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said "Hillary in '08."
I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.