the official scionlife joke thread!!! post 'em here
03-13-2007, 10:44 PM
#682
Senior Member
SL Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,703
I write all my own stuff, i got a routine i'm working on even. here's one...
I saw in the paper a big personal ad from a woman that says "I'm looking for a guy whos honest and not afraid to take chances."
so I called her up and said, "Hi my name is dave and im into risky sex and drugs."
why she hung UP ill never know, it sounded like we were a perfect match.
I saw in the paper a big personal ad from a woman that says "I'm looking for a guy whos honest and not afraid to take chances."
so I called her up and said, "Hi my name is dave and im into risky sex and drugs."
why she hung UP ill never know, it sounded like we were a perfect match.
03-13-2007, 11:00 PM
#683
Senior Member
SL Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,703
You ever wish, EVERY PLACE, delivers? Well I found a way to get it delivered, and not only that, I dont pay a cent.
So you know how people sell and give away free stuff on craigslist?
Well I've combined my innate super-ability of being lazy with this concept.
One weekend every month, I'll go out and get all the free crap I can on craigslist.
Then I put it all up for sale on craigslist, but instead of asking for money,
I ask for say a 'large dominos pizza', 'a chicken mcnugget happy meal', a "quad vente vanilla latte" to be delivered HOT upon pickup of their 'so-called' free merchandise.
Next monday I've got Joe coming over with chinese food at 6pm and Patricia coming by with baskin robbins at 8pm.
Now I've turned a whole section of society into my personal delivery service.
So you know how people sell and give away free stuff on craigslist?
Well I've combined my innate super-ability of being lazy with this concept.
One weekend every month, I'll go out and get all the free crap I can on craigslist.
Then I put it all up for sale on craigslist, but instead of asking for money,
I ask for say a 'large dominos pizza', 'a chicken mcnugget happy meal', a "quad vente vanilla latte" to be delivered HOT upon pickup of their 'so-called' free merchandise.
Next monday I've got Joe coming over with chinese food at 6pm and Patricia coming by with baskin robbins at 8pm.
Now I've turned a whole section of society into my personal delivery service.
!!!
03-13-2007, 11:53 PM
#685
Senior Member
SL Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,703
thanks...
Remember how hard getting sex in high school was?
See guys know in high school that you usually have to play games with girls in order to get laid.
It's beating down these defenses of what this girl thinks is needed to get in her pants from her friends.
and it sucks because they're usually saving themselves for the "coolest" kid in high school...
the one on his second or possibly third year as a senior.
How are all us average intelligent guys barely passing school able to compete with that?
He's had a car since his first freshman year, and has collected at least twice as many fast food paychecks than the rest of us.
As stupid as the rest of us guys know he is, he's still getting all the skanks. that lucky bastard.
But who wants skanks you say? um, like every guy in high school. I mean what makes some girl a skank in highschool?
sleeping with 1 or more guys?
once out of highschool, that makes you a prude.
Remember how hard getting sex in high school was?
See guys know in high school that you usually have to play games with girls in order to get laid.
It's beating down these defenses of what this girl thinks is needed to get in her pants from her friends.
and it sucks because they're usually saving themselves for the "coolest" kid in high school...
the one on his second or possibly third year as a senior.
How are all us average intelligent guys barely passing school able to compete with that?
He's had a car since his first freshman year, and has collected at least twice as many fast food paychecks than the rest of us.
As stupid as the rest of us guys know he is, he's still getting all the skanks. that lucky bastard.
But who wants skanks you say? um, like every guy in high school. I mean what makes some girl a skank in highschool?
sleeping with 1 or more guys?
once out of highschool, that makes you a prude.
03-14-2007, 02:54 AM
#686
Senior Member
Club One
SL Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,812
I've always found some street signs funny. For instance, the "Slow (running person) school" sign just seems down right offensive. If the children are truely that handicapped don't you think we should be trying to boost their self-esteem? Do you really think they are feeling better about themselves when they see this sign? Better yet..."Slow Children At Play"...for the same reason as above. No wonder all of the damn kids today are listening to emo and want to hang themselves!
How about the sign letting you know there are hearing impared people living in the immediate area. At least it's telling me that honking at them will do no good.
How about the sign letting you know there are hearing impared people living in the immediate area. At least it's telling me that honking at them will do no good.
03-18-2007, 01:35 AM
#695
Senior Member
SL Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 13,961
Satan
A few minutes before the church services started, the
congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly,
Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front
entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get
away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly
gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly
oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his
presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, "Do you know
who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do,"
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?"
asked Satan.*
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man,
in an even tone.*
"Did you know that I can cause you profound,
horrifying AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
Yep," was the calm reply.
And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why
aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister
for 48 years."
A few minutes before the church services started, the
congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly,
Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front
entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get
away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly
gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly
oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his
presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, "Do you know
who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do,"
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?"
asked Satan.*
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man,
in an even tone.*
"Did you know that I can cause you profound,
horrifying AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
Yep," was the calm reply.
And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why
aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister
for 48 years."
03-19-2007, 08:29 PM
#696
Senior Member
Club One
SL Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,812
Serious question. Please help.
I rarely post personal stuff on here, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision.
Where do I begin?
I’ve suspected for some time now that my g/f has been cheating on me.
The usual signs… Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.
My g/f has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.”
I always stay awake to look out for her ride coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn’t with the girls?
I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I was a psycho and I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my g/f. I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
I decided I was going to move my xB next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my xB, that I noticed that the oil pan on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.
So now my question:
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
Where do I begin?
I’ve suspected for some time now that my g/f has been cheating on me.
The usual signs… Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.
My g/f has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.”
I always stay awake to look out for her ride coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn’t with the girls?
I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I was a psycho and I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my g/f. I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
I decided I was going to move my xB next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my xB, that I noticed that the oil pan on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.
So now my question:
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
03-19-2007, 10:24 PM
#697
Senior Member
SL Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 13,961
Re: Serious question. Please help.
Originally Posted by jsa3mm
I rarely post personal stuff on here, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision.
Where do I begin?
I’ve suspected for some time now that my g/f has been cheating on me.
The usual signs… Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.
My g/f has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.”
I always stay awake to look out for her ride coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn’t with the girls?
I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I was a psycho and I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my g/f. I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
I decided I was going to move my xB next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my xB, that I noticed that the oil pan on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.
So now my question:
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
Where do I begin?
I’ve suspected for some time now that my g/f has been cheating on me.
The usual signs… Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.
My g/f has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.”
I always stay awake to look out for her ride coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn’t with the girls?
I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I was a psycho and I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my g/f. I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
I decided I was going to move my xB next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my xB, that I noticed that the oil pan on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.
So now my question:
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
wtf lol i bet this is one of those jokes that you just change the car type and bam you got a car type fourm joke!!!...anyways... heres a classic joke
Three guys -- a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an American
engineer are walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a
Genie
pops out of it.
"I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total" says the
Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will
also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
Pooooof! With a blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was
forever made fertile for farming.
Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want an impenetrable wall
around Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, and Syria with all believers of Mohammad
inside and all Jews, Americans, and other infidel forever outside our
precious state."
Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall
around those countries.
The American engineer asks, "I am very curious. Please tell me more
about this wall". The Genie explains , "Well, it's 5000 feet high, 500
feet
thick and completely surrounds these countries....... it's virtually
impenetrable. Now what is your wish?"
The American engineer smiles and says, "Fill it with water."
Pooooof!
WORLD PEACE !!
03-20-2007, 10:04 PM
#699
Senior Member
SL Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 13,961
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. Killing any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
