the official scionlife joke thread!!! post 'em here
04-12-2007, 12:52 AM
#741
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 13,961
A lady was in a hardware store looking at a fishing poles. She asked the store manager how much it was he said "I am blind drop it on the ground and i'll tell ya. She dropped it on the ground."Aahh that's $10.00." She bent down and let a big fart that everyone heard. But, she really wanted the pole so she picked it up. And went to pay for it. "That will be $20.00" "But you said $10.00" "$10.00 extra for the stink bait and duck call."
04-12-2007, 03:38 AM
#743
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SL Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: CT
Posts: 249
2 black men are walking down the street
one has a dollar the other 98cents
they notice a store with a sign" White-out pills here"
they go in and ask if it reallly works
"it works, 99cents apiece"
"hey man, u got a buck, if it works u'll lend me a cent so i can do it too."
so the guy takes the pill and boom it works.
"hey man give me that 1cent so i can be white too"
....
....
"what? getta faakkkarryyy heeree"
one has a dollar the other 98cents
they notice a store with a sign" White-out pills here"
they go in and ask if it reallly works
"it works, 99cents apiece"
"hey man, u got a buck, if it works u'll lend me a cent so i can do it too."
so the guy takes the pill and boom it works.
"hey man give me that 1cent so i can be white too"
....
....
"what? getta faakkkarryyy heeree"
04-12-2007, 07:08 PM
#745
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SL Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 151
Husband's Last Stand
A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real b!tch tonight, Dave."
A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real b!tch tonight, Dave."
at the husbands last stand joke. i had an almost exact experience minus a cabby and name calling session. good times.
04-13-2007, 05:29 AM
#749
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SL Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Orlando, Florida
Posts: 180
damn i just read all 38 pages of this thread... lol
ok heres one.. its a blonde joke.. so no hard feelings.. i found its pretty funny
Got Bath?
spacer
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your Note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons of milk. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath".
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my *****."
ok heres one.. its a blonde joke.. so no hard feelings.. i found its pretty funny
Got Bath?
spacer
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your Note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons of milk. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath".
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my *****."
04-16-2007, 01:00 AM
#753
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SL Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Coke-a-Cola, SC
Posts: 761
Originally Posted by dziuniek
2 black men are walking down the street
one has a dollar the other 98cents
they notice a store with a sign" White-out pills here"
they go in and ask if it reallly works
"it works, 99cents apiece"
"hey man, u got a buck, if it works u'll lend me a cent so i can do it too."
so the guy takes the pill and boom it works.
"hey man give me that 1cent so i can be white too"
....
....
"what? getta faakkkarryyy heeree"
one has a dollar the other 98cents
they notice a store with a sign" White-out pills here"
they go in and ask if it reallly works
"it works, 99cents apiece"
"hey man, u got a buck, if it works u'll lend me a cent so i can do it too."
so the guy takes the pill and boom it works.
"hey man give me that 1cent so i can be white too"
....
....
"what? getta faakkkarryyy heeree"
04-17-2007, 03:41 PM
#757
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SL Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Laurel, MD
Posts: 5,114
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's
Christmas
Party.
Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like
alcohol at
all.
He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he
was
feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he
sees is a
couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his
clothing in
front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,
spotlessly
clean.
So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring
back at
him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in
red with
little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey,
breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you
your
favorite dinner tonight.
I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast,
steaming
hot coffee and the morning newspaper.
His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind You fell
over
the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and
got that
black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect
order and
so clean?
I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when
she
tried to take your pants off, you sc reamed, "Leave me alone, I'm
married!!"
Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time. .
PRICELESS
Christmas
Party.
Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like
alcohol at
all.
He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he
was
feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he
sees is a
couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his
clothing in
front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,
spotlessly
clean.
So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring
back at
him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in
red with
little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey,
breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you
your
favorite dinner tonight.
I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast,
steaming
hot coffee and the morning newspaper.
His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind You fell
over
the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and
got that
black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect
order and
so clean?
I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when
she
tried to take your pants off, you sc reamed, "Leave me alone, I'm
married!!"
Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time. .
PRICELESS
04-17-2007, 04:07 PM
#758
Senior Member
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SL Member
iTrader: (1)
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 3,703
Originally Posted by Tito_Cruz
Originally Posted by dziuniek
2 black men are walking down the street
one has a dollar the other 98cents
they notice a store with a sign" White-out pills here"
they go in and ask if it reallly works
"it works, 99cents apiece"
"hey man, u got a buck, if it works u'll lend me a cent so i can do it too."
so the guy takes the pill and boom it works.
"hey man give me that 1cent so i can be white too"
....
....
"what? getta faakkkarryyy heeree"
one has a dollar the other 98cents
they notice a store with a sign" White-out pills here"
they go in and ask if it reallly works
"it works, 99cents apiece"
"hey man, u got a buck, if it works u'll lend me a cent so i can do it too."
so the guy takes the pill and boom it works.
"hey man give me that 1cent so i can be white too"
....
....
"what? getta faakkkarryyy heeree"
Its a racist joke...not to say that the guy who posted it is a racist...but...the first black man changes to a white a guy and wont give the second black man a penny because he is black....
04-17-2007, 04:38 PM
#760
Senior Member
SL Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Coke-a-Cola, SC
Posts: 761
Originally Posted by tCTaco
Originally Posted by Tito_Cruz
Originally Posted by dziuniek
2 black men are walking down the street
one has a dollar the other 98cents
they notice a store with a sign" White-out pills here"
they go in and ask if it reallly works
"it works, 99cents apiece"
"hey man, u got a buck, if it works u'll lend me a cent so i can do it too."
so the guy takes the pill and boom it works.
"hey man give me that 1cent so i can be white too"
....
....
"what? getta faakkkarryyy heeree"
one has a dollar the other 98cents
they notice a store with a sign" White-out pills here"
they go in and ask if it reallly works
"it works, 99cents apiece"
"hey man, u got a buck, if it works u'll lend me a cent so i can do it too."
so the guy takes the pill and boom it works.
"hey man give me that 1cent so i can be white too"
....
....
"what? getta faakkkarryyy heeree"
Its a racist joke...not to say that the guy who posted it is a racist...but...the first black man changes to a white a guy and wont give the second black man a penny because he is black....
thanks taco.