the official scionlife joke thread!!! post 'em here
02-26-2006, 01:29 AM
#61
Senior Member
SL Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 500
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff
one - just had another fight with the little woman."
Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees.
"Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken ____!"
one - just had another fight with the little woman."
Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees.
"Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken ____!"
02-26-2006, 07:39 PM
#62
Senior Member
Fail, INC
Club One
SL Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Team Sharpie
Posts: 10,213
Fu, Bu and Chu immigrated to the USA from China. They decided to become
American citizens, and "Americanize" their names.
Bu, called himself "Buck"
Chu called himself "Chuck"
Fu decided to return to China.
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horses ___?
Mechanic.
An Amish woman is riding her horse and buggy through town. A police officer pulls her over.
"Ma'am, I just wanted to let you know that your reflector on the back of your buggy is about to fall off." the cop says.
"I thank thee," says the woman "I shall have my husband fix it when I return home."
The officer starts to get back in his cruiser but notices something else.
"Ma'am," he says "I also think you should know that your reigns are wrapped around your horse's *********."
"Thank you sir." she replies.
That evening when the woman's husband gets home she tells him about what happened.
"A police officer told me that the reflector on the buggy is coming off and needs to be fixed."
"Ok." says the husband.
"He also said that we should check the emergency brake."
American citizens, and "Americanize" their names.
Bu, called himself "Buck"
Chu called himself "Chuck"
Fu decided to return to China.
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horses ___?
Mechanic.
An Amish woman is riding her horse and buggy through town. A police officer pulls her over.
"Ma'am, I just wanted to let you know that your reflector on the back of your buggy is about to fall off." the cop says.
"I thank thee," says the woman "I shall have my husband fix it when I return home."
The officer starts to get back in his cruiser but notices something else.
"Ma'am," he says "I also think you should know that your reigns are wrapped around your horse's *********."
"Thank you sir." she replies.
That evening when the woman's husband gets home she tells him about what happened.
"A police officer told me that the reflector on the buggy is coming off and needs to be fixed."
"Ok." says the husband.
"He also said that we should check the emergency brake."
02-27-2006, 07:27 PM
#64
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SL Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 500
A man walked into a bar. There, he saw a beautiful, smartly dressed woman perched on a bar stool. Approaching her he said, "Hello there gorgeous. How are you?"
Having already had a few power drinks, she turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said, "Listen! I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, front door, back door, it doesn't matter. I've been doing it since I got out of college. I just flat ___ love it."
Eyes wide with interest, he said, "No kidding? I'm a lawyer too! What
firm are you with?"
Having already had a few power drinks, she turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said, "Listen! I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, front door, back door, it doesn't matter. I've been doing it since I got out of college. I just flat ___ love it."
Eyes wide with interest, he said, "No kidding? I'm a lawyer too! What
firm are you with?"
02-27-2006, 07:29 PM
#65
Senior Member
SL Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 500
A couple had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband insisted on turning off the lights.
After 20 years of marriage the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down ... and saw her husband was holding a battery operated pleasure device... a vibrator ... soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," she screamed at him,"how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy... if you explain the kids."
After 20 years of marriage the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down ... and saw her husband was holding a battery operated pleasure device... a vibrator ... soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," she screamed at him,"how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy... if you explain the kids."
03-06-2006, 11:54 AM
#66
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SL Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 13,961
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male
buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a
tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp,
turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the
animal to splatter every where, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand
pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the
counter and says to the waiter, "Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from
yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"
(hang on, this is really good......)
The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Training for upper man! agement
position in United States Government: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the
bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.
buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a
tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp,
turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the
animal to splatter every where, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand
pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the
counter and says to the waiter, "Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from
yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"
(hang on, this is really good......)
The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Training for upper man! agement
position in United States Government: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the
bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.
03-06-2006, 01:30 PM
#67
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SL Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hanover, PA
Posts: 2,794
Originally Posted by The_Instigator
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel shoved down the front of his pants.
The bartender says "isnt it uncomfortable having that steering wheel down your pants?"
The pirate says " Yarr, its driving me nuts!"
The bartender says "isnt it uncomfortable having that steering wheel down your pants?"
The pirate says " Yarr, its driving me nuts!"
I just spit coffee all over my keyboard!
03-06-2006, 10:00 PM
#68
Senior Member
SL Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 13,961
While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10
miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge
only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other
side lying in wait.
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and
with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and
love, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she
replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And
just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger,
then work my way up - - two fingers, then three,
then four, then get my whole hand in. I work from side
to side until I can get both hands in, and then I
slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."
And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot
@#%hole?" he asked.
"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
Traffic Ticket $125.00
Court Costs. $45.00
The Look on Cop's Face. PRICELESS
miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge
only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other
side lying in wait.
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and
with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and
love, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she
replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And
just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger,
then work my way up - - two fingers, then three,
then four, then get my whole hand in. I work from side
to side until I can get both hands in, and then I
slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."
And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot
@#%hole?" he asked.
"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
Traffic Ticket $125.00
Court Costs. $45.00
The Look on Cop's Face. PRICELESS
03-07-2006, 07:30 PM
#69
Senior Member
Scikotics
SL Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: In Your Dreams!!
Posts: 985
There are 3 men, and an outhouse on top of a hill.
1 walking down, 1 in the outhouse, and 1 coming up the hill.
What nationality are they??
Finnish, European, and Russian.
Ohhhhhhhhh. That was bad.
1 walking down, 1 in the outhouse, and 1 coming up the hill.
What nationality are they??
Finnish, European, and Russian.
Ohhhhhhhhh. That was bad.
03-08-2006, 04:35 PM
#72
Senior Member
Scikotics
SL Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,720
Grossssssss! 
Originally Posted by Hot06tC
There are 3 men, and an outhouse on top of a hill.
1 walking down, 1 in the outhouse, and 1 coming up the hill.
What nationality are they??
Finnish, European, and Russian.
Ohhhhhhhhh. That was bad.
1 walking down, 1 in the outhouse, and 1 coming up the hill.
What nationality are they??
Finnish, European, and Russian.
Ohhhhhhhhh. That was bad.
That was good 
03-08-2006, 04:39 PM
#73
Senior Member
Scikotics
SL Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: In Your Dreams!!
Posts: 985
Pete and Repeat were on a boat.
Pete fell off.
Who was left??
Repeat.
Pete and Repeat were on a boat.
Pete fell off.
Who was left??
Repeat.
Pete and Repeat were on a boat.
Pete fell off.
Who was left??
Repeat.
Pete fell off.
Who was left??
Repeat.
Pete and Repeat were on a boat.
Pete fell off.
Who was left??
Repeat.
Pete and Repeat were on a boat.
Pete fell off.
Who was left??
Repeat.
03-08-2006, 05:31 PM
#74
Senior Member
SL Member
Scinergy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Castle Rock, Colorado
Posts: 4,088
A man running a ***** house was short a few ladies short for the busy Friday night. In an effort to not make any of his patrons wait he decided to unscrew the light in room 221 and put a blow up doll in the bed. The night was going very well until a 7 foot tall Man covered in muscles walks in the door walks up to the owners face and yells "I want a woman to 'please' me right now!!" Out of fear he tell the man that he has just what he needs waiting in the bed in room 221 for him. Now, thinking about what he just said he try's to detour the man by telling him that the lights are burned out in that room. The big fellow is already halfway up the stairs and yells down to the owner "I Don't Care!!!". The owner of the house is already sweating when he hears the door to the room slam shut and starts to plan his excuse or maybe if he can out run the monster of a man. Just then the owner sees the man walking slowly back down the stairs looking very sad. This was not the expression he thought the man would have, so he asks the man if everything when okay? The Huge man says on his way out the door "Yeah, well no. The same thing happened with my girlfriend last night... I jumped on the bed, bit her on the boob she farted and jumped out the window".
I win for the longest joke!
I win for the longest joke!
I dont know if I get this one yet..
Well thats why I failed the "Are you dumb" post that I did..