the official scionlife joke thread!!! post 'em here
Bah.. 
03-08-2006, 11:54 PM
#83
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Posts: 13,961
Originally Posted by Frosty355
A man running a ***** house was short a few ladies short for the busy Friday night. In an effort to not make any of his patrons wait he decided to unscrew the light in room 221 and put a blow up doll in the bed. The night was going very well until a 7 foot tall Man covered in muscles walks in the door walks up to the owners face and yells "I want a woman to 'please' me right now!!" Out of fear he tell the man that he has just what he needs waiting in the bed in room 221 for him. Now, thinking about what he just said he try's to detour the man by telling him that the lights are burned out in that room. The big fellow is already halfway up the stairs and yells down to the owner "I Don't Care!!!". The owner of the house is already sweating when he hears the door to the room slam shut and starts to plan his excuse or maybe if he can out run the monster of a man. Just then the owner sees the man walking slowly back down the stairs looking very sad. This was not the expression he thought the man would have, so he asks the man if everything when okay? The Huge man says on his way out the door "Yeah, well no. The same thing happened with my girlfriend last night... I jumped on the bed, bit her on the boob she farted and jumped out the window".
I win for the longest joke!
I win for the longest joke!
03-09-2006, 12:02 AM
#84
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Join Date: Aug 2004
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Posts: 762
A man comes home from work to find his wife packing her suitcase.
HIM: "What are you doing?"
HER: "I'm moving to Nevada."
HIM: "Why?"
HER: "Because I just found out I can get $200 a pop for what I give you for free."
He then starts to pack his suitcase.
HER: "What are you doing?"
HIM: "I'm going with you."
HER: "Why?"
HIM: "Because I want to see you live off $400 a year."
HIM: "What are you doing?"
HER: "I'm moving to Nevada."
HIM: "Why?"
HER: "Because I just found out I can get $200 a pop for what I give you for free."
He then starts to pack his suitcase.
HER: "What are you doing?"
HIM: "I'm going with you."
HER: "Why?"
HIM: "Because I want to see you live off $400 a year."
03-10-2006, 01:44 AM
#89
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StyleWagons
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Scion Evolution
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,459
What's the difference between an **** thermometer and an oral thermometer?--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The taste! 
03-10-2006, 05:45 PM
#91
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Scikotics
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 809
Twins
Friday, March 3, 2006
Bubba's sister is pregnant and is in a bad car accident, which caused her to fall into a deep coma. After nearly six months, she awakens and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins - a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh, no! Not Bubba; he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor answers. The new mother thinks, "Wow! That's a beautiful name! I guess I >was wrong about my brother. I really like the name Denise."
Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" The doctor replies, "Denephew."
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Copyright © 2003-2006 Clear Channel. All rights reserved.
Friday, March 3, 2006
Bubba's sister is pregnant and is in a bad car accident, which caused her to fall into a deep coma. After nearly six months, she awakens and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins - a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh, no! Not Bubba; he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor answers. The new mother thinks, "Wow! That's a beautiful name! I guess I >was wrong about my brother. I really like the name Denise."
Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" The doctor replies, "Denephew."
Got a joke for us? Click here to e-mail it.
Copyright © 2003-2006 Clear Channel. All rights reserved.
03-11-2006, 02:58 AM
#93
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Fail, INC
Club One
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Team Sharpie
Posts: 10,213
Originally Posted by surfcity40
what do you call a black guy who can fly a plane?
a pilot ya freakin' racist bastage.
a pilot ya freakin' racist bastage.
What do you call a hispanic man mowing a lawn in front of a nice house?
A homeowner you effing racist.
03-11-2006, 03:34 AM
#94
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Scikotics
SL Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 430
FEMALE POEM
I want a man who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I want him to be gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, be not annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! For a man who makes love to my mind
And knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I want this man to love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
MALE POEM
I want a deaf-mute nymphomaniac
with huge ***** who owns a liquor store and a fishin boat.
I know this doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shirt.
I want a man who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I want him to be gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, be not annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! For a man who makes love to my mind
And knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I want this man to love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
MALE POEM
I want a deaf-mute nymphomaniac
with huge ***** who owns a liquor store and a fishin boat.
I know this doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shirt.
03-11-2006, 10:01 PM
#96
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Scikotics
SL Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 430
03-11-2006, 10:14 PM
#97
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SL Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Chapin, SC
Posts: 517
fill in the blank:
Pranksters on Halloween often leave a flaming bag of ____ on your porch.
Is it:
A) Honda SI
B) Poo
C) Honda SI
D) All the above
I know, teasing Honda luvers isn't that funny; but watching them get oh so riled up sure can be...
Pranksters on Halloween often leave a flaming bag of ____ on your porch.
Is it:
A) Honda SI
B) Poo
C) Honda SI
D) All the above
I know, teasing Honda luvers isn't that funny; but watching them get oh so riled up sure can be...
03-13-2006, 10:16 PM
#98
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 13,961
There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
" Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too bleeping stupid to own a computer!!!!!"
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
" Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too bleeping stupid to own a computer!!!!!"
