the official scionlife joke thread!!! post 'em here
07-11-2008, 06:06 AM
#1184
Senior Member
SL Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 662
Here is my new favorite!! It might have already been posted but I didnt go through all of the pages
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Mack says to Mike behind him, my elbow hurts terribly. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the corner drugstore. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... a heck of a lot cheaper than a doctor."
So Mack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into a funnel and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Mack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, scraped some oil off the driveway and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Mack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her in to rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. Your Volvo needs repair.
6. And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Mack says to Mike behind him, my elbow hurts terribly. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the corner drugstore. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... a heck of a lot cheaper than a doctor."
So Mack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into a funnel and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Mack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, scraped some oil off the driveway and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Mack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her in to rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. Your Volvo needs repair.
6. And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
07-11-2008, 08:52 PM
#1187
Senior Member
SL Member
iTrader: (5)
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: SC Los Angeles (323)
Posts: 3,436
lmao thats a good one i heard it before but its always a laugh heres another one....
What the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this aint no ordinary blow job
What the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this aint no ordinary blow job
07-18-2008, 03:14 PM
#1192
Administrator
SL Member
Administrator
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: State of Confusion: CA
Posts: 2,583
HOME DEPOT SCAM...
HOME DEPOT SCAM
A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen Jan 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th.
Also July 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.
So tell your friends to be careful.
p.s.
Walmart has wallets on sale 2.99 each
MR LUV
A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen Jan 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th.
Also July 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.
So tell your friends to be careful.
p.s.
Walmart has wallets on sale 2.99 each
MR LUV
07-18-2008, 03:48 PM
#1194
Senior Member
SL Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hanover, PA
Posts: 2,794
Re: HOME DEPOT SCAM...
Originally Posted by MR_LUV
HOME DEPOT SCAM
A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen Jan 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th.
Also July 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.
So tell your friends to be careful.
p.s.
Walmart has wallets on sale 2.99 each
MR LUV
A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen Jan 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th.
Also July 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.
So tell your friends to be careful.
p.s.
Walmart has wallets on sale 2.99 each
MR LUV
Nothing.
07-19-2008, 11:05 PM
#1196
Administrator
SL Member
Administrator
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: State of Confusion: CA
Posts: 2,583
Re: HOME DEPOT SCAM...
Originally Posted by matt_a
I just got back from Home Depot.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Stand in front of the entrance and show a big bulge
(preferably your wallet) or have a mouse in your pocket.
Wave and smile at every hottie that goes by.
You should get more attention.
p.s.
your can now get wallets at the 99 cents store and a rubber mouse
08-03-2008, 10:25 PM
#1198
Senior Member
SL Member
Team N.V.S.
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,823
the other day this guy from school brought in his car to get his engine checked out by our teacher. when he popped his hood this kid in my class was checking the car's engine out and then he asked the teacher "whats the 710 on that cap stand for?" my teacher gave him a bewildered look and said "are u serious, that's OIL upside down"
