Tell us your favorite Joke!!
12-12-2007, 04:41 AM
#41
Senior Member
SL Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 13,961
two cannibals were eatting a clown, and one of 'em asks does this taste funny to you
this joke and many many more (54 pages worth) jokes can be read here
https://www.scionlife.com/forums/vie...106162&start=0
this joke and many many more (54 pages worth) jokes can be read here
https://www.scionlife.com/forums/vie...106162&start=0
12-12-2007, 08:57 PM
#43
Senior Member
SL Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Downey, CA
Posts: 363
Originally Posted by slicktrick
WARNING.. NOT A CLEAN JOKE. ITS A BIT DIRTY SO IF YOU DONT WANNA READ IT, CLOSE THIS WEBPAGE AND GOOGLE SEARCH ON WHY ROSWELL SCION IS SO AWESOME..
The words in the CAPS are edited and Im sure you get the idea what its replaced for..
DEAF JOKE:
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can't see each other using sign language).
After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left TATA one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right TATA one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea! Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my ROD one time." "And if you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my ROD... fifty times!"
The words in the CAPS are edited and Im sure you get the idea what its replaced for..
DEAF JOKE:
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can't see each other using sign language).
After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left TATA one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right TATA one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea! Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my ROD one time." "And if you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my ROD... fifty times!"
12-13-2007, 01:11 AM
#44
Senior Member
KAD
SL Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Everett, WA
Posts: 305
These are awesome everyone! Here is one of mine through a random myspace bulletin...
Written by some random dude.................
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like
it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least her ___ knows I'm smarter than her.
Written by some random dude.................
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like
it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least her ___ knows I'm smarter than her.
12-21-2007, 04:08 AM
#47
Senior Member
SL Member
Scion Evolution
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 542
A Deer Hunter goes to the Doctor to get some stitches on his arm.
Doctors starts to give him the pain killer
The Hunter says" no thank you, i don't need that"
Doctor " why, its going to be painful"
Hunter "its not the most painful thing that i have experienced but i can handle it"
Doctor: "what is the most painful thing you have been through other than this gouge on your arm"
Hunter: "well i was Hunting one day and i tripped on a stick on got my ***** caught in a bear trap!!"
Doctor: "OMG, that must have hurt so bad, that is Painful"
Hunter: "nope not really the most painful thing in my life"
Doctor: "If that wasnt' the worst, than what is it??"
Hunter: "I STARTED RUNNING AND HIT THE END OF
OFF THE CHAIN"
Doctors starts to give him the pain killer
The Hunter says" no thank you, i don't need that"
Doctor " why, its going to be painful"
Hunter "its not the most painful thing that i have experienced but i can handle it"
Doctor: "what is the most painful thing you have been through other than this gouge on your arm"
Hunter: "well i was Hunting one day and i tripped on a stick on got my ***** caught in a bear trap!!"
Doctor: "OMG, that must have hurt so bad, that is Painful"
Hunter: "nope not really the most painful thing in my life"
Doctor: "If that wasnt' the worst, than what is it??"
Hunter: "I STARTED RUNNING AND HIT THE END OF
OFF THE CHAIN"
12-21-2007, 04:10 AM
#48
Senior Member
Scikotics
SL Member
iTrader: (5)
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Victorville, CA
Posts: 1,267
ok i have one.
this little boy walked in on his parents having sex. the next morning the boy asked the mom why she was sitting and jumping on top of dad. the mom replied i was just making his stomach flatter. the boy then said, "well your wasting your time because the lady across the street comes over gets on her knees and blows it back up!"
this little boy walked in on his parents having sex. the next morning the boy asked the mom why she was sitting and jumping on top of dad. the mom replied i was just making his stomach flatter. the boy then said, "well your wasting your time because the lady across the street comes over gets on her knees and blows it back up!"
12-21-2007, 03:39 PM
#49
Senior Member
SL Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Downey, CA
Posts: 363
Originally Posted by Mos_Def
ok i have one.
this little boy walked in on his parents having sex. the next morning the boy asked the mom why she was sitting and jumping on top of dad. the mom replied i was just making his stomach flatter. the boy then said, "well your wasting your time because the lady across the street comes over gets on her knees and blows it back up!"
this little boy walked in on his parents having sex. the next morning the boy asked the mom why she was sitting and jumping on top of dad. the mom replied i was just making his stomach flatter. the boy then said, "well your wasting your time because the lady across the street comes over gets on her knees and blows it back up!"
12-29-2007, 09:17 AM
#50
Originally Posted by Mos_Def
ok i have one.
this little boy walked in on his parents having sex. the next morning the boy asked the mom why she was sitting and jumping on top of dad. the mom replied i was just making his stomach flatter. the boy then said, "well your wasting your time because the lady across the street comes over gets on her knees and blows it back up!"
this little boy walked in on his parents having sex. the next morning the boy asked the mom why she was sitting and jumping on top of dad. the mom replied i was just making his stomach flatter. the boy then said, "well your wasting your time because the lady across the street comes over gets on her knees and blows it back up!"
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a
woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They
are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your
breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your ***** is as hard as
your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
12-30-2007, 08:17 AM
#52
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: salinas valley
Posts: 33
why did god invent women?
because sheep can't cook
........................................................................
jesus could walk on water, but chuck norris could walk on jesus
........................................................................
so this zebra died and went to heaven..while in heaven the zebra asked saint paul
am i white with black stripes or black with white stripes
saint paul thought about it for a sec and said.
"i don't know, ask jesus"
so the zebra asked jesus
am i white with black stripes or black with white stripes
jesus looked at the zebra and said
"you are what you are"
this didn't help the zebra so, the zebra went back to saint paul and told him what happened
so saint paul looked at the zebra and smiled
he said
you're white with black stripes. if u were black with white stripes, he would have said "you is what you is"
because sheep can't cook
........................................................................
jesus could walk on water, but chuck norris could walk on jesus
........................................................................
so this zebra died and went to heaven..while in heaven the zebra asked saint paul
am i white with black stripes or black with white stripes
saint paul thought about it for a sec and said.
"i don't know, ask jesus"
so the zebra asked jesus
am i white with black stripes or black with white stripes
jesus looked at the zebra and said
"you are what you are"
this didn't help the zebra so, the zebra went back to saint paul and told him what happened
so saint paul looked at the zebra and smiled
he said
you're white with black stripes. if u were black with white stripes, he would have said "you is what you is"
01-01-2008, 09:13 PM
#55
ok i got 1 for u all
upon dying..... bill gates requested a prophet to see him, the prophet shows up and tells bill this. you have done good things in your life and some bad things. so u have a choice of going to heaven or hell. the prophet shows him heaven and bill sees people singing and rejoicing, then the prophet shows him hell, bill sees a sunny beach, lots of ladies and perfect weather. he looks to the prophet and says i would like to go to hell. one week later the prophet goes to see bill and he is being whip by a demon, bill asks, what happened to the perfect weather and the girls...... the prophet looks to bill and says oh that was just the screen saver.....
upon dying..... bill gates requested a prophet to see him, the prophet shows up and tells bill this. you have done good things in your life and some bad things. so u have a choice of going to heaven or hell. the prophet shows him heaven and bill sees people singing and rejoicing, then the prophet shows him hell, bill sees a sunny beach, lots of ladies and perfect weather. he looks to the prophet and says i would like to go to hell. one week later the prophet goes to see bill and he is being whip by a demon, bill asks, what happened to the perfect weather and the girls...... the prophet looks to bill and says oh that was just the screen saver.....
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
BlingSlade
Scion iA Discussion Lounge
6
10-19-2016 12:39 AM
mischman
PPC: Exterior / Styling
2
09-15-2015 03:38 PM
